Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
JayLee

Millions Challenge GAME: Character Descriptions

Recommended Posts

This game is simple. It's a rate the person above.

 

Share the sentence/paragraph where you first describe your character

 

Then rate the person above on a scale of 0-10 (0=most cliche description, 10=super awesome! I think that character sounds super cool!) Don't be shy about saying anything else about the character either.

 

Ex.

poster

Clia looked in the mirror, sighing as she spotted her plain, hazel eyes. She tried a smile, just to assure her self she wasn't so boring, but her mouth crooked in an impish way, giving her a small dimple in the left cheek. One strand of wavy, brown hair just touched that dimple, and she pushed it aside, brushing a hand over her starscape of freckles. She pulled out her foundation, preparing to hide them all.

 

responder

Rating: 0 - it was a very cliche and common introduction for a character. Not only did it use the "looks in the mirror trope" it also introduced a character who is obviously beautiful, but thinks she is very plain for no reason. The reader isn't fooled. I did, however, really like the description "starscape of freckles" and how the dimple led into describing the hair seamlessly.

 

Then you post one!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is an edited sentence from the first chapter of my novel.

Rivulets of perspiration streamed down the Queen's dark brown skin and stained wet spots into the raffia cloth of her top and skirt.

 

Raffia cloth, by the way, is a Central African textile woven from the leaf fibers of the raffia palm.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll try to play along a little here though in my own writing I try to keep the descriptions broken up and revealed as needed.

 

Rivulets of perspiration streamed down the Queen's dark brown skin and stained wet spots into the raffia cloth of her top and skirt.

 

Hard to judge much from so little. Honestly gives a description of skin color and current status. Enough that I could put a picture to it but the real judge is how it fits into the context around it. I'd give it a 5? Mostly cause I can't judge it. In the right context, this works fine enough, in a bad spot it doesn't work well.

 

Here is a rough cut from what I'm writing. Gives you kind of the idea how I do my descriptions.

 

The *edited for content* ghost isn’t too far off. Even with his missing eyes and body that is more linen curtain than substance, the asshole doesn’t miss much. Large chunks of hair are missing across Red’s bleeding scalp and her left eye is milky and most likely blind where the other is jaundice yellow with rivers of red running through it.

 

Roh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dot my descriptions around a lot and tend to add it more in the first edit as I tend to miss them out a lot. But here is something that I found from my WIP, where I first describe her changing skin. The marks are bruises and fingernail cuts from being strangled.

 

I didn’t want to see the marks left behind marring my ever changing skin. When it shifted to the darker browns, the mahogany and chestnuts, it’d be hidden enough. Right now it was sandy, and my hair black.

 

Roh, out of context it is a little hard to follow, but I like it :) especially the bit about the curtain. I'd give yours a 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I didn’t want to see the marks left behind marring my ever changing skin. When it shifted to the darker browns, the mahogany and chestnuts, it’d be hidden enough. Right now it was sandy, and my hair black.

 

I'm rating it a 5, Sheepy. In context it's probably much better, but out of context it feels very "just the facts, ma'am." The first sentence is okay, but the second one falls down and makes it all feel a bit flat and lifeless. But I'm not sure if you can make that one more interesting without taking away from the surrounding scene.

 

Here's mine. It's probably a little too long, but he needs a bit of explaining.

 

The torch played across ebony skin, highlighting the fine bones and pointed ears of a people she’d but rarely seen, never spoken to, and who were all but legend in most of the world. Shadow elves—poets, artists, traders, loners—as rare as a double moon and twice as elusive.

 

She’d never seen one that looked so cruel.

 

The torches brought no warmth to his skin, instead giving it the illusion of cool, dark marble, a statue come to life. He was as beautiful as any of his fellows, but there was a harshness to his face that was brought out by the cut of his cheekbones, the fine, slashing lines of his jaw, the haughtiness in his eyes. Black hair shot through with starlit strands was pulled back cruelly into a thick braid, the hair long as seemed to be the style here, and though his clothes were simple there was no doubt as to their quality, nor the quality of the sword he wore on one side or the whip on the other.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The torch played across ebony skin, highlighting the fine bones and pointed ears of a people she’d but rarely seen, never spoken to, and who were all but legend in most of the world. Shadow elves—poets, artists, traders, loners—as rare as a double moon and twice as elusive.

 

She’d never seen one that looked so cruel.

 

The torches brought no warmth to his skin, instead giving it the illusion of cool, dark marble, a statue come to life. He was as beautiful as any of his fellows, but there was a harshness to his face that was brought out by the cut of his cheekbones, the fine, slashing lines of his jaw, the haughtiness in his eyes. Black hair shot through with starlit strands was pulled back cruelly into a thick braid, the hair long as seemed to be the style here, and though his clothes were simple there was no doubt as to their quality, nor the quality of the sword he wore on one side or the whip on the other.

 

I'd give this one a 6/7. There is a fine use of vocabulary, though there are some instances where stronger words could be used in the stead of some adverbs (to provide a clearer image), and some repetitive information (like beginning by saying the torchlight played on fine/sharp bones, then spending time on describing his cheekbones and jaw in a later paragraph. The sharpness of his image has already been painted by then). But, other than little stylistic notes like these, the description seems well balanced, not too long, and like things a character would actually notice rather than things the author wants the reader to know.

 

After a couple moments blinking into the dimness, he caught the unmistakable flash of eyes. The brief yellow glow reminded of a wary deer. At the other end of the hall, he began to make out a dark figure, seated on a black throne.

“You’re here in response to the job?” The voice which came from the figure had a rough tone to it and rang with a rustic musical quality.

“Yes… your majesty?” Sebastian said.

“I can see you well enough in this light,” the king said, “but my eyes are used to it. Come, let us talk man to man.”

Sebastian walked down the hall until he was within a few feet of the man. Within close range, he could tell the man’s eyes weren’t as wide and reflective as he thought. His skin was smooth and youthful, reflecting just enough light to give Sebastian an idea of his strong features. The king before him was no more than a boy dressed in black regalia and dwarfed by his own throne. Sebastian imagined the boy had just come into his voice and was enjoying its awing effect because he spoke slowly and carefully.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×