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I love a bit of medieval fantasy and the notion of a lady singing with wolves is cool. That said I am going to pass on beta for now, as I need to be sure that all the editing that could be done has been before committing. Looking at this extract, a couple of things you might want to focus on are:

- dialogue punctution; eg:

Lord Hammond grunted,[<- a comma sort of works here but it's not a common style of dialogue tagging, so you need the voice to really be able to pull it off] “All right then. Now what is this about Bishop Talrop?”

“Now that’s a surprise. With the way he was spouting at me I was sure he would have come to you about it already,” [lower case s->]She said.

- mixing styles. This extract is a little too talking heasdy for me. The dialogue itself is fine, but mix it up so it's not all just talk. Immerse me in the world and the POV character's perceptions as the dialogue happens. You do this with the desk but try a little more. Eg (and apologies for adding in stuff that's going to be irrelevant for your story but this is simply to illustrate what I mean.):

 

Lord Hammond grunted. “All right then. Now what is this about Bishop Talrop?”

“Now that’s a surprise. With the way he was spouting at me I was sure he would have come to you about it already,” she said. Sunlight streamed in between the linen drapes, the ones that her father had carried back from the war.

“And what exactly has he been spouting about?”

Elizabeth waved her hand. She wanted to confess all, to get back at Talrop for all the things he had done. “Oh, something about me being a Lady of Blackstone and my nightly singing was going to cause me to have my soul burn for all eternity because of it.”

“Singing?" Lord Hammond frowned. "You mean that howling you do out in the woods every night?  What harm could that possibly cause?” He shook his head and sat back at his desk. “Though he does make a point. It’s not natural for a Lady to be singing to wolves.”

 

 

 

 

 

  • Agree 1

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