Well here, goes.
I noticed you guys do a monthly check in for writing progress and word counts, but in my experience, that can sometimes be only half of the equation when it comes to being a writer.
I'm a better writer when I'm ... feeling myself ... and no I don't mean that in a weird gross way, but I mean how I feel within myself. The past six or so months had been tough with me. But they should not have been. I've been irritable, to the point where my boss sat me down at work one day and asked "is everything ok?" and this guy has the emotional range of a peanut, so for him to notice something was wrong, it kind of made me take notice.
But I didn't really do anything about it. I've dealt with depression before many years ago while living with an ex, and I was starting to get those feeling back once again. I didn't really have any reason to feel this way, but sometimes, even when driving to work, I would break down, or scream, and sometimes I was making up imaginary scenarios that made me so angry I was shaking. I am usually a rather odd fellow with a even odder sense of humour, and I was usually the one person in the group who would never get upset or angry. Calm/cool as a cucumber, that's me.
Fast forward to the beginning of the month (July) when I was driving my family back from a day out. My vision had become so blurred that I could not see the licence plates of the cars in front of me, and there was a pressure in my head that made me feel like I was going to explode. My wife made me see a doctor that night.
Turns out my blood pressure was insanely high and doing all weird and wonderful things to my eyes, brain and everything else. And I'll be honest, it scared me. It scared the absolute shit out of me. The doctor put in me on medication straight away and told me to lose 4 kilos (8.8 pounds in freedom units) in a month.
It's been three weeks and I've lost half of that, which isn't that great, but not so bad either. I've been using three lunch breaks a week to go for an hour walk, and it's sort of become my 'ultimate me-time'. It's an hour when I don't even have to think. But the act of eating 'a little bit' better than I was, and doing just a few walks a week has done more for my mind than it has for my body. My blood pressure is down, partly from the medication, but also the walking, and I'm not getting the irrational anger I had been putting up with over the last few months.
The best part is that I feel like me again. I have not written anything since the beginning of the year, but with my head clear, I've found the motivation I had lost.
So that is my non-writing July Check-In.
Even if no-one reads this, it felt good for me to get this out, and like I said earlier, I feel that grappling with what's going on with us is part of what it is to be a writer.
So that's me done in a nutshell, let me know how you guys are going this month? Maybe there's something you're proud of that you achieved, maybe there's something you want to work on. Either way, let's open up to each other and help each other out.
We are writers, we are damned weird creatures, but sometimes being a human is hard.